Thursday, May 3, 2012

Where, Oh Where, Has My Motivation Gone?

I'm depressed.

That about sums up the past few days of my life. I have no real reason to be depressed- my boyfriend is amazing and probably the sweetest guy on the planet, my job is time-consuming but fulfilling and fun, my family and friends are all healthy, finances are starting to straighten out... so, why am I depressed?

Because, despite all these other wonderful things, I've lost my motivation to do anything.
I've kept up with my bikini body boot camps, but I haven't done any other workouts. LAME.
I go to bed every night and think "tomorrow I'm going to get up and run", I even set my alarm and lay out my clothes. But, when that buzzer goes off, I reset my alarm and go back to bed. I can't seem to drag myself up and out. Not even down to the living room to do a quick workout video or anything. Ugh! I'm so frustrated with myself, I could seriously spit!

I keep giving myself little goals:

Run 50 miles and I will treat myself to a full body massage.
Get under 200 and I can have a shoe shopping spree.
Run any distance today and have an ice cream.

But, nothing seems to do the trick. I even keep trying to visualize different things to get myself going:

Being skinnier for my 10 year high school reunion.
Being a size 14 for 2013.
Losing another 10 pounds for summer.

Nothing. It's as if my brain gets what I'm telling it but my body refuses to take the message.
*sigh* I don't know. I'm at a loss. I was excited a bit yesterday because I bought something in a size 14/16 and it felt a little lose, but then some of my old clothes don't seem any bigger on me. And this morning I hopped on my boyfriend's scale. It said I had gained 15 pounds. I burst into tears. He tried to console me and tell me that the leg on one of the sides is broken so the numbers are wrong, but I know it's a lie. How did I gain 15 pounds in 2 weeks?! It's not like I've been stagnant- I'm still always up and about with work and rehearsals. I haven't even been eating as much because I don't always have the time to eat. Maybe that's part of the problem- maybe my wacky eating habits are killing me.

Either way, I just feel as if I worked so hard to get down to 207 and now this. I'm taking gigantic steps backwards and I don't know what to do. Even now, I just want to cry. I want to go to the gym while I'm still angry at myself but I'm literally working/rehearsing until goodness knows when tonight. And I want to wake up early tomorrow for a run before work, but I know I'm going to be exhausted.

Please help.  


StaceyL said...

Hang in there! I know how you feel with no motivation!!! Just know your not alone with this struggle and it will get better and your motivation will return. Wish I could tell you when but unfortunately I cant tell you that but just know it will happen and you will meet all of your goals. There is no rush so take solace in knowing it will happen! Keep smiling!! :)

Momma Marge said...

"Just keep swimming, just keep swimming" (I hope you like Nemo and get that!)

We all get there... heck, I could have written this post one month ago. Just find the courage to do it... and you will. You will struggle and feel like throwing in the towel, but you won't. You will remember that there are lots of girls cheering you on and reading your blog (even if we don't comment everyday... we are reading).

(((hugs))) to you... and just keep swimming.

Anonymous said...

You're definitely not alone in this feeling! Like Marge said, I could have written this post today. Don't be too hard on yourself because you've come such a long way.

Anonymous said...

Wow! You're normal! I've been reading your blog (and others like it) since I started the Couch to 5K on December 1st. In fact, my 1st 5k (where I'll be running) is this Saturday. Yikes! You have been an inspiration to me. There are times I don't feel like doing anything either. No motovation whatsoever. I beat myself up about it too. But then I remember how far I've come. I dust off the sneakers and get my butt moving. May not move that fast, but it's moving. Find you're motivation! Do not let that damn scale boss you around! You are amazing! Beth in New Hampshire

Wells L said...

LOVE Momma Marge's comment!!!!!!!!!

When I was in the army and in training for boot camp I slept in my running clothes the night before so there was literally roll out of bed put on the shoes and out the door - pjs are sooo comfortable and can really be hard to get off when I get in the de-motivated funk.

Hang in there - and a break . . . is alright!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hugs friend!

~* Jenn *~ said...

Sorry you are struggling! I have definitely been there. I don't have any magical solutions unfortunately. However, I can say it does eventually get better. Just keep doing your best, thats all you can do!

Shannon @I Survived and Now I Run said...

I've been there before and to be honest the only thing that helped me was to just go out and run or do some sort of workout...the endorphins really did help...You CAN do this just gotta get yourself out there and do it!

KT80 (Running Like a Girl) said...

Wish I had something to say - I know that doesn't help. I am in the same place, and with my foot hurt I am even more scared that I won't get this under control. Maybe you need a workout buddy? If you have someone you are meeting maybe you would be less likely to miss your run?

Stephanie Anne said...

Do we need to get together? Maybe an intervention is needed? A short run & pinkberry?