I don't know the official count off the top of my head, but if I had to guess, I'd say it's been about 3 weeks since I decided to be alone. Although, I suppose alone is a rather inaccurate word. I haven't barricaded myself away in a room somewhere with only food, water, and a computer. No, I mean I've been alone, as in single. And by single, I mean not in a relationship where I feel I have to always put the other person before me. How do I feel about this? Honestly? It depends on the day. If I said I was 100% fine all of the time, I'd be deluding myself and the point of this endeavor would be lost.
I feel it's okay to admit that I'm not always fine. This isn't a movie or a best-selling book - it's my life and it's far from perfect. And I'm starting to realize that that's okay. I'm starting to realize that that's okay. What fun would life be if it was always perfect? There would be no appreciation for passion, happiness, contentment, or creativity. If there was no boredom, depression, worry, destruction or any of those ugly, nasty negative things we go through on a daily basis, the pleasant emotions would cease to exist. Or rather, they wouldn't have the same meaning or impact as they do now. They would become the norm. I mean, think about it, if there were no bad guys, would society really need the police? Or would they just end up being every day, ordinary, run-of-the-mill people?
Whenever we experience a negative emotion, there's usually always guilt attached to it; it's part of what makes us human. We feel guilty for crying in despair and not being stronger. We feel guilty for getting angry and blowing our top as opposed to keeping calm. We feel guilty when we do something selfish. And as awful as those negative emotions are, we shouldn't have to always feel bad for experiencing them. Emotions are life; without them we would be no better than an empty corn husk.
I'm not saying we need to latch on to these negative feelings but rather acquiesce to the fact that we are human and we have a wide range of emotion that it is okay for us to experience from time to time. Embrace the negative for a few moments, recognize that it's okay to feel how you feel, and then figure out how to let it go. Remember that from the bad, we grow a new appreciation for the good.