Sunday, October 3, 2010

Beauty... Or Something Like It

"I think I deserve something beautiful."
Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love)

I had the greatest day today. A real self-esteem booster of a day, actually. One where, no matter where I went, who I was with or what I did- I felt amazingly happy. Let me summarize for you:
I was helping my friend finish moving into her apartment and both her mother and another of our mutual friends kept complimenting me on how good I have been looking recently. That definitely made my day shine a bit brighter (I mean, hello ego-boost! lol) Then, later this evening I went to go see a show and some more of my friends commented on my weight loss and saying that I look "sexy". So flattering! I mean, ok so I colored my hair and have stepped my makeup up a notch, but I think most of it is from all of the running/training that has helped me slim down some more and tone up. I've also started adding meditation into my daily routine and I think that that's part of where the ability to let go of stressful things has come from. Even if it hasn't, if it's just a chemical reaction from exercise, I'm fine with it.

I feel very good about myself lately, almost like I'm more comfortable in my own skin. I find myself not stressing out over half the things I used to worry about before and that's such a wonderful feeling! All of the energy I used to use to ruminate on things I had no control over is now being focused on doing things for myself. It's a marvelous thing!

My friend Tina always tells me that she never goes out of her house unless her hair and makeup is done because she feels more confident. She says it's easier to go around and present herself when she has that confident feeling. For a while I struggled within myself as to whether if my wearing makeup all the time to enhance my confidence was being untrue to myself. I mean, instead of hiding behind someone else to feel more confident, I'm hiding behind a masque of sorts, aren't I? But it doesn't feel like that. I actually feel more comfortable walking around- I don't feel so paranoid, like people are judging me, etc, etc. I KNOW I look good, so I feel good. I also tried walking around without the makeup on and honestly, my confidence and security in myself didn't really change at all. I still was content with myself and my paranoia has been non-existent.
So, all in all, my conclusion is this: I have inner beauty and wearing makeup helps me express that inner beauty, in the same way an artists paints to expression their inner visions. I am not "betraying myself" by putting makeup on to feel slightly more confident- the confidence is inside me no matter what.

1 comment:

wojo said...

Go you!! I'm glad you've been feeling better, not to mention that others have even started to take notice.