How to FAIL Epically

I saw this posted in one of the forums on MyFitnessPal.com and loved it so much, I just had to share it.
The real credit goes to this guy though. I hope y'all enjoy it as much as I did. (I'm a stickler for sarcasm!)

From Steve at Nerd Fitness -

"I spend all day, every day trying to help people get healthy.
(Well, sometimes I play video games all day too. Damn you, Assassins Creed!)


I feel like I’ve found what I’m meant to do with my life: Inspire and work with folks who are interested in losing some weight, building some muscle, and feeling better about themselves. I can usually tell within a few sentences of an email, or a few minutes of conversation who’s going to succeed and who’s going to continue to fail to get healthy.

So let’s run through the best ways to fail at getting healthy. Think of this as the worst instructional email ever.

How to fail at getting healthy

1) Compare yourself to others. Pick out people who are different sizes, shapes, builds, and genetics. It doesn’t matter that their body functions completely differently than yours, or that they eat differently and exercise differently than you. Find those people and say, “you won the genetic lottery, and I can’t lose weight, not my fault.” Then make yourself feel better by finding people that are REALLY overweigh, unhealthy, and unhappy. Pat yourself on the back and say “meh good enough!” Non-applicable comparisons FTW!



2) Make yourself miserable. We all know exercise only counts if you are suffering and hating life, so only do exercises that make you want to dropkick a puppy. Pick the least enjoyable form of exercise you can think of (for me, that would be running on a treadmill like a hamster), and then force yourself to do it for hours. Every day. Combine this with some sort of diet where you starve yourself, so that you have no energy and hate life. Even better, combine this with a SUPER unhealthy diet (telling yourself, “I earned this!”) and then wonder why you’re not losing weight.



3) Blindly follow conventional wisdom. Don’t eat fat. Avoid foods with cholesterol. Eat as many heart healthy whole grains as possible, all day long. Ignore advice to consume all natural foods from “fad” diets like the Paleo Diet. Buy “healthy” microwaveable dinners that taste like feet – those are the best.



4) Change workout plans as often as possible. Don’t stick with a good plan for 6-12 weeks (or even longer if it’s working). Be sure to freak out after two weeks when you don’t see drastic changes, and then pick another plan that promises even better results. The faster the freak out, the more quickly you can move on to the next routine!



5) Treat the symptoms rather than the cause. Screw wasting precious time and energy on figuring out why you are unhealthy – that requires things like “effort.” Gross, I know. Just take high blood pressure medication to counteract the cholesterol medication, which balances your weight loss medication. Find a way to combine it with your sleeping pills and caffeine addiction. Get that stomach staple surgery or gastric bypass surgery instead of building better habits and learning how to eat right. Why do any of that when you can just throw thousands of dollars at the problem and wreck your insides in the process! Everybody wins! Except you. And your insides.



6) Chase the quick fix. Nobody wants to WORK to get in shape. That could take months or even years, and who has that kind of time? Instead, just take that pill, or use that next fancy piece of workout equipment. The faster it says it’ll work, the more likely you’ll be to succeed.



7) Complain! As loudly as possible. Try: “I don’t have good genes!” or “I don’t have time!” If that doesn’t work, there’s always: “I just can’t lose weight!” or “sorry, I’m not as lucky as you!” Complain to anybody that will listen, and even those that don’t. The more disdain and self-loathing, the better.



8) Make big changes quickly. When you’re ready to get in shape, wake up two hours earlier than normal, DRASTICALLY alter your diet overnight, and go from a sedentary lifestyle to exercising for 90 minutes a day. Run yourself absolutely ragged for a week or two, confuse the hell out of your body, which is going to fight you every step of the way, and then after one day goes poorly, COMPLETELY fall off the wagon. Bonus points if you get really angry with yourself for “sucking at getting healthy” even though you tried to change 50,000 things at once.



9) Be nonspecific. Be as nebulous and generic as possible : “I should get healthy” is a good start. “I need to work out more” or “I should lose weight” is even better! Don’t be specific, and CERTAINLY don’t measure your progress. Don’t bother saying things like “I will work out four times this week at this specific time” or “I will lose 10% of my body fat by December 31st.” Those goals are WAY too specific, and you might actually accomplish them! Can’t have that, now, can we?



10) Give up. When things don’t go your way, rather than analyzing, adjusting, and trying again…just give up! When you step on a scale this week and it’s half a pound heavier than last week, rather than making changes to your diet and cutting out one extra soda this week, flip the **** out and give up. Giving up is so much easier than working hard, struggling, and perservering. Get over it and move on? Pssh. Give up! Guys like Joe are AWFUL at failing – he just kept going for MONTHS. We can’t have that!



How to actually get healthy
Ready?

Set tiny goals. Build TINY habits. Eat less crap, and move more. Find an activity that makes you happy and do it as often as possible. Then, find ways to eat a little healthier. Cut out liquid calories. Add in strength training. Sleep more. Repeat these small daily changes and improvements until these things become habit. Repeat until your desired results are achieved, generally for months or years. Then push yourself to be even better.

I just made every past, present, and future Nerd Fitness article obsolete.

Crap. This is not the post you’re looking for!


Well anyways, I still plan on cranking out epicly nerdy posts twice a week, so thanks for humoring me. Lord knows what would happen if I was left to take care of myself. Scary thought.

Thanks for letting me stick around!

-Steve "

Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah

Remember that one time I wrote a silly little post about my Summer Goals?

No? Well, you can find it HERE.

I posted a list of things i would like to accomplish during the summer, as far as fitness and healthy living are concerned. One of those goals was to try Zip lining. AND I DID!

I have been running around like crazy lately. So, since I didn't have anything too pressing to do at work, i took the day off yesterday. My boyfriend happened to have it off as well, and we decided we wanted an adventure day. He called up a local zip lining place, booked us for a 3pm tour and voila! There was a total of 4 people in our group, plus two guides. The course was 5 different zip lines with an obstacle course in the middle. The guides were great and a lot of fun and the zip lining experience was amazing! I can't wait to go back and do it again. Here's some of the photos the guides took:

 At this point, we were 3/4 of the way done and we were 75 feet in the air. We had just finished a 650ft line.

 This is me riding the 650ft line. I FINALLY figured out how to keep myself from twisting around backwards. It's not as easy as you think.

 In the middle of the tour, there is an obstacle course with a cargo net, an aerial bridge, an aerial step path, and a multi vine tight rope walk. I'm on the aerial step path.

This is our tour group (minus guides) after we landed back on the ground. We were hot and sweaty but all smiles!!

Have you ever done something fun and crazy like zip lining?

Back In the Saddle

Seeing the title I just chose, I kind of wish I could go horseback riding. I love horses and I've always wanted to know how to ride one. Maybe it's my inner cow-girl coming out.

Anyway, it's been a very long week... and it's only Wednesday! Let's start at the beginning, shall we?
Last weekend was the 100th year Anniversary Jubilee celebration for the Girl Scouts (the organization I work for). I spent part of Friday helping set up, all day Saturday working it, and then Sunday I went back to help take down (though there wasn't much to do). Saturday was a blast! Hectic, but fun! We had around 9,000 people show up to the event. I got up bright and early and was at the fairgrounds by 8am. Around 10:30am I helped lead the opening parade. By 11:30 I was tossed into the food booth to help field orders because the lines were over an hour long! Ahhh!!! After a few hours of that, I made it to the STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, and Math) stage to help load and unload the performers. I also got to MC and introduce the acts as they came out. Rock on! By 6:45pm, we started breaking down everything in the STEM area as the day was finally over. I left the fairgrounds a little after 7pm, got home, had dinner, and went to bed.

Sunday they didn't have much of anything to do as far as clean up, so I headed home. Later that evening, we had to rush my father to the hospital. he had been having severe abdominal pain and couldn't move. At first, they thought it was his appendix. Turns out, it was his gallbladder. They ended up having to do emergency surgery on him Monday morning to remove it. He is still currently in the hospital (he developed a fever yesterday and is still in a lot of pain, but he's doing better), and we hope he is going to come home tomorrow.

I did manage to get in a very nice run Monday morning before I went back to the hospital. I did 2 miles in 28:02. I ran the first 6 minutes straight, then maintained a 2 run: 1 walk ratio the rest of the time. I chose that method for multiple reasons; 1. I haven't been running like I was last year, so my muscles and everything need to be re-conditioned before I start upping the ante, and 2. I chose to run faster for those two minute spurts and try and push myself more than if I tried to run 5-7minutes straight. I plan on doing the same thing tomorrow for my second run of the week.

I've also been trying very, very hard to keep track of what I eat every day and have been keeping up pretty well with MyFitnessPal (again, feel free to add me biggergirlsrun2). I've made a couple of new friends on there and hope to make even more! I'm a firm believer in the more support, the better. Since I first reported that I had gained a good portion of weight back, I'm happy to say that I have lost about 4lbs. Hooray! I'm sure once I really get into my training schedule, I will lose more. And I'm super psyched about that!

One of the forums on MyFitnessPal.com asked people to list what their summer fitness goals were. I thought that was pretty nifty, so I decided to share mine here and see what goals y'all might have as well.

My summer fitness goals are:

to train (intelligently) for my 2nd half marathon,

to run at least 50 miles,

to go rock-wall climbing (inside),

to go ziplining,

 to go for at least 3 really nice hikes,

and to try a new Zumba place.

What do you think of my goals? What are YOUR summer goals?

First Run of the New Year

I got in a run today!

Source

SO EXCITED!!

My friend Tina and I got together and went to the gym today (probably not the best idea because it was jam packed with people working on their own New Year's resolutions- but I managed to snag a free treadmill). I was only going to do a short 1.5 mile run, but I hit 1 mile by 12:40 and I felt good, so I decided to keep going. Considering how out of shape my lungs are from this stupid cold-thing that won't leave, I'm actually pretty proud that I made it to 3 miles in 44:32. Not as fast as I would like, but not bad considering I am sick and I haven't really run in a loooooooooooooooooong time.

After my run, I cleaned my machine and headed to the weights. I focused on my back and shoulders today doing back extensions, lat raises and a few others. I decided to up my weights from what I had been doing so I know I'm going to be sore tomorrow. It's all good though- it was nice getting back into my old routine. Tina and I are going to the gym again tomorrow morning. I'm planning on another 3 mile run and then some bicep/tricep work. I'm trying to take advantage of as much running time as I possibly can right now, while at the same time trying to make sure I don't overdo my runs and wear myself down before I can really get started again. I'm still kind of disappointed in myself that I slacked off after I finished the half marathon. Especially because having had so much time off, my endurance (the little I had built up) has suffered. Grrr!

Here is my ideal workout schedule or this month (we will see if I can stick with it):

I am planning it for just one month to see if I need to update/change anything as I progress in it. My goal is also to do my workouts in the morning... which means I'm going to have to start getting up earlier. Boo!! Oh well, if I want to accomplish my fitness goals for this year, it needs to be done, right? Right.

...And a Little of That

I ran 2 miles today! Yay! Well, technically, I actually ran 1.5 of the 2 miles, the other parts I ended up having to walk. But my endurance is getting MUCH better! Hooray! At first I wasn't going to go to the gym to run because I forgot to set my alarm and woke up later than expected. I had a bunch of errands to do, but I motivated myself and went and I'm glad I did. I've officially completed 3.5 of my 5 miles for the week! Woot! I think I'm going to run the other 1.5 outside this weekend hopefully- it depends on if it snows or not.

Here's today's breakdown:

Food

Sushi (I forgot the name of the roll, but I looked at the nutrition label at least)- 95 calories
Garlic Hummus (4 servings throughout the day)- 240 calories
Baby carrots (2 servings)- 70 calories
Sliced white mushrooms (3 servings)- around 30 calories
Chicken Soup: homemade (half a serving)- 100 calories
Peanut Butter on Whole Wheat Bread- 450 calories
Banana Nut Cheerios with 1% milk-150 calories
1 glass of 1% milk- 110 calories
Half of a 12oz sugarfree redbull- 7.5 calories

Grand Total: 1252.5 calories



Exercise

2 mile run in 20 minutes- 245 calories
Dancing for 30 Minutes- 300 calories
Acting for 2 hours- 500 calories

Grand Total: 1045 calories burned!

(I wonder if I'm burning more calories than this though because I do the entire show in 3 inch heels? Possibly? If anything, my legs are getting toned, haha!)

All in all, it was a good day. I'm glad I managed to motivate myself to go to the gym, even when I didn't really feel I had it in me to go. But, not only did I go, I pushed myself and did more than I had originally planned. Awesome!

Slightly More Balanced...

Howdy folks!

Another day, another update for you.
Today was somewhat of a disappointment exercise wise. We didn't even do any dance at rehearsal :( However, I did work for 4 hours today which means I was up and walking around for all that time. Granted I wasn't running or power-walking, but I try to keep moving while in the store. So, I'd say that counts for something, right?

Exercise for the day:

4 hours of slow paced walking: I'd say that's around 300 calories.

Grand total burned: 300 calories

As for food- I had homemade pumpkin pancakes, a protein shake, a tossed salad with (deli-sliced) cheese, roast beef and buffalo chicken. I also had one glass of milk and a burrito from Taco Bell.

Nutrition for the day:

Pumpkin Pancakes: around 200 calories
Salad with deli meats, cheese and dressing: around 500 calories
Strawberry Banana Protein Shake: around 300 calories
Burrito from Taco Bell: 490 calories
Glass of 1% milk: 110 calories
5 glasses of water: 0 calories

Grand total: 1600 calories

Much better nutrition-wise today. And considering I still managed to burn around 300 calories, I think I had a fair balance. I also managed to get in a fair amount of vegetables too. Just have to cut out the fast food.
All in all, not a bad day though. Hopefully tomorrow I will be able to step it up fitness wise. I plan on getting some winter running gear and then heading to the park for a run. Yay!

Expansion and A Slightly New Outlook

I've been crazy busy lately (what else is really new?), but in between work, rehearsals and sleeping, I've managed to squeeze a bit of contemplation about a few things. I've been SO happy lately. Let me explain: not only do I love the new place I'm working at, and the show I'm rehearsing and all of the people involved in it- BUT! I'm also just more content in general. I've found myself more into the holiday season than I have been since I was 8 years old. The family gatherings, the festive lights and music, the overall message the holidays bring just makes me smile! I used to be one of those people who could watch a heart-touching, holiday movie and not shed a tear. Now I find I have to keep a box of tissues around me whenever I turn on the television! And I'm not crying out of jealousy or sadness... just tears of connection and happiness. It may sound extremely odd, but it's the truth. I'm just THAT happy with myself and life right now. My 90 days of Being By Myself was such a success that I've decided to do a couple of things:

1. continue with my blog and my "being alone" as I had originally planned.
2. expand my blog to encompass not only keeping myself happy, but also keeping myself healthy.

I've decided to incorporate fitness and nutrition into my blog. My goal is to update daily, which is going to be a challenge with my busy schedule, but I figure if I can record my daily fitness and nutritional feats, I can continue to provide myself with mucho motivation.

I have new goals for the continuation of my blog as well. In regards to my "Being Healthy" status, I want to be a size 16 come the end of January and a size 14 come the end of March. I'm relatively close to a 16 already, and with the running, and now dancing, that I've been doing, I see these as very realistic goals.

Also know that I plan on posting motivational things, healthy recipes, fitness routines, things I've accomplished, etc. It's a no-holds-barred blog now :)