Where, Oh Where, Has My Motivation Gone?

I'm depressed.

That about sums up the past few days of my life. I have no real reason to be depressed- my boyfriend is amazing and probably the sweetest guy on the planet, my job is time-consuming but fulfilling and fun, my family and friends are all healthy, finances are starting to straighten out... so, why am I depressed?

Because, despite all these other wonderful things, I've lost my motivation to do anything.
I've kept up with my bikini body boot camps, but I haven't done any other workouts. LAME.
I go to bed every night and think "tomorrow I'm going to get up and run", I even set my alarm and lay out my clothes. But, when that buzzer goes off, I reset my alarm and go back to bed. I can't seem to drag myself up and out. Not even down to the living room to do a quick workout video or anything. Ugh! I'm so frustrated with myself, I could seriously spit!

I keep giving myself little goals:

Run 50 miles and I will treat myself to a full body massage.
Get under 200 and I can have a shoe shopping spree.
Run any distance today and have an ice cream.

But, nothing seems to do the trick. I even keep trying to visualize different things to get myself going:

Being skinnier for my 10 year high school reunion.
Being a size 14 for 2013.
Losing another 10 pounds for summer.

Nothing. It's as if my brain gets what I'm telling it but my body refuses to take the message.
*sigh* I don't know. I'm at a loss. I was excited a bit yesterday because I bought something in a size 14/16 and it felt a little lose, but then some of my old clothes don't seem any bigger on me. And this morning I hopped on my boyfriend's scale. It said I had gained 15 pounds. I burst into tears. He tried to console me and tell me that the leg on one of the sides is broken so the numbers are wrong, but I know it's a lie. How did I gain 15 pounds in 2 weeks?! It's not like I've been stagnant- I'm still always up and about with work and rehearsals. I haven't even been eating as much because I don't always have the time to eat. Maybe that's part of the problem- maybe my wacky eating habits are killing me.

Either way, I just feel as if I worked so hard to get down to 207 and now this. I'm taking gigantic steps backwards and I don't know what to do. Even now, I just want to cry. I want to go to the gym while I'm still angry at myself but I'm literally working/rehearsing until goodness knows when tonight. And I want to wake up early tomorrow for a run before work, but I know I'm going to be exhausted.

Please help.  

Baby, I'm Back

I am back!

Hooray!

You do remember me, right? Right?!

I certainly hope so. Even though I've been super lame the past month or so and haven't updated at all.

Let me sum the past month or so my life up for you in a nutshell.

Freak winter storm and no electricity/power for over a week.
Rehearsing two shows simultaneously.
Working two jobs simultaneously.
My sister's wedding in Black Island.
HOLIDAYS!!!
Starting a new full time job while rehearsaing two shows and working a seperate part time position.

Kind of hectic, yes? Well, maybe it doesn't seem hectic when it's all nicely listed like that, but if you had seen a snapshot of my calendar, you might have cried or run screaming from the computer and found yourself rocking in a corner. I know that's how I felt.
Needless to say, I haven't had any free time to do anything even remotely athletic. (Especially with the freezing weather that just decided to grace our area of the world.) However, I am officially done with 1 show and am out of rehearsals for the second show- and work is slowing down a bit (for now) so I'm hoping to get back to running this week. Maybe not necessarily outside, but at least I want to hit the gym a few times.
I am so severely behind on my Princess training that it stresses me out even thinking about it. I need to sit down and just review everything and reformat my plan of action for February. I'm sure I will find that time soon enough. But, for now, just to get myself up and moving again, I'm going to get myself to the gym and do some 3-5mile runs throughout the week.

My goal is to have a new plan of attack by next Monday. Sounds do-able, right? Here's hoping.
Now, I just need to fight this tickle that has started in my throat and cross all my fingers that I don't get a cold. Emergen-Cee, Airborn and apple juice will become my new best friends. Sickness is not allowed!!!

Anyway, sorry again for the sudden hiatus with my blogging. There's no real excuse other than that all my free time was used for sleeping, haha. But, I am back (again) and will be up and running in no time soon!

First Race Jitters Part 1.

As it stands now my first ever half marathon is about 2 weeks away. 

Source

AHHHH!!

I would be lying if I didn't say that I'm starting to freak out. I feel like I'm just not prepared enough. I mean, I've been running my behind off.... almost literally.... but a part of me is convinced that I didn't train hard enough. I'm still only averaging a 15 min/mile or so for anything over 4 miles. Ugh. I was hoping to finish as close to 3 hours as possible, but I think my PR is going to be finishing under 4 hours. Blah.

I know, I know... I shouldn't be so hard on myself. It's my first big race, I've trained hard, I know I can run/walk the distance and it's supposed to be fun. But it's so hard to squash the competitive part of me that wants to be perfect. I realize it's going to take me a good couple of years before I increase my endurance and speed to a point that is anywhere near most people, but I'm impatient. I want to run fast now! *pout*

Ok... I'm done venting for the evening. I need to go to bed so I can start my7 hell of a long week, which includes, but is not limited to: working two jobs, applying for other jobs, rehearsing, performing, zumba, training, occasionally sleeping and eating. Woot! Bring it on world, I'm ready to tackle it all!

And Winner for Worst Blogger Goes To...

This kid.

:(

I'm so sorry I haven't updated. I've been dog sitting for a friend and I can't access their internet. That, combined with work and rehearsals, has had me down for the count. So, even though I've said it before, I am a blogger fail. Please have mercy on me and dig deep down within yourself to find some forgiveness and keep reading my blog! I swear a super awesome update is coming soon.

Here's a preview of what I will be posting about:

-funny things other people have seen while running
-another Blogger award I was nominated for (thank goodness it can't be taken away haha)
-another give away
-raising money for my half marathon charity and how YOU can help (hint: this will be combined with the above)

Get excited... I will be back to posting in NO time... and it's gonna be FABULOUS!!!

A Busy Schedule and A Fond Farewell

It has been a loooooooooong weekend.

(And, yes, I know that it is currently Tuesday, so technically the weekend has already passed.... but work with me here.)

I'm sad to report that due to my work schedule I wasn't able to run at all this past weekend. Nothing, zero, zilch, absolutely-flippin-nothing. (I started getting rather cranky about it as well, which is a new experience for me.) I mean, I had the torch run on Thursday, but that was my first and only run last week. On the up side, my work schedule has opened up for the rest of the week so I can definitely hop back into my training and wrack up some miles.

I did a short tempo run today. I managed to do 0.87 miles in 8:03 and, according to DailyMile, that would have equaled out to a 9:13min/mile. Nice! I'm proud of that run because the second portion of it was uphill...and we all know how much I love them hills! I opted to do a short run today because I called into work earlier than anticipated. Originally, my goal was a nice maintenance 3 mile, but that didn't pan out. It's all good, I was flexible and I decided to really push my speed to make sure I got the most of the tempo run.

It also gave me a chance to use my new watch. Sadly, my S2H Replay passed away over the weekend. It decided to go into the pool and forgot it couldn't swim. It drowned. And even though I tried my hardest to administer CPR, it was DOA.

 Source

It shall be missed.

After I had a small ceremony to say goodbye to my old watch, I headed to Target to check out some new watches. I found a rather nice, inexpensive Casio Phys watch. It has a timer with a lap split, which is awesome (no longer do I have to use my iPod to time myself!). I feel like a professional runner now- Holler! I got to put it to use on my tempo run today. I just have to remember which is the Start/Stop button and which is the Lap Split button (you should see the novel that they call a "manual". I'm pretty sure War and Peace is shorter in length). 

My plan for the rest of the week is this:

Tomorrow- Maintenance Run- 3-4 miles

Thursday- Cross Training

Friday- Long Run- 5.5-6 miles

Saturday- Rest

Sunday- Rest or Possible Recovery Run depending upon how I feel.

Sounds good, right? Right!

I'm Alive, I Swear

Ugh. I hate being so busy! 

I feel like I never have a moment for myself anymore. This week has been a culmination of working two jobs, rehearsing a concert and a gala show, my half marathon training and sleeping. (Doesn't it just make you tired hearing about it?)

I got in all of my runs this week. The first one I already discussed, my 2.21 miler in 32 minutes (with an upset tummy) HERE. My second one this week was one Wednesday and I went running in the park with my friend E. She met me at my house and we went over to Hubbard park (a small local park on the other side of town). It was a nice day out, not too warm, a little overcast but still pleasant. The park wasn't too crowded at all which was nice for us. We parked our car near the playscape, did a short walk warm-up and then started our run. We ended up doing 3 loops around the park which equaled out to 3 miles in 40 minutes. E is much quicker than I am, but I kept up with her pacing (or she slowed down for me, either way). Our first mile was 11:45! Holy schnikees Batman! Our second mile was at 14:50 (we slowed down because neither of is could keep that pace) and the last mile was about the same. No matter the time, it's a fun run because there's a small incline out to the outside of the park, but a large downhill section that you have to run to get back into the park, then another small uphill before it flattens out. I like the downhill section because it gives my body a bit of a rest while still keeping running, so I'm not completely dead by the time I hit the second incline.

E really liked the run, although, on the downhill stretch we had to do a bit of odd maneuvering over to craters in the sidewalk, cars parked on the sidewalk, etc. At one point, she turned to me and stated "Running like this makes me feel like a mountain goat. I know I don't have fur or horns, but I still feel like one with all this jumping." I couldn't help but laugh. A mountain goat? I never would have thought of that as a comparison to what we were doing, but I like it. After our run, E told me she had fun and was considering doing it more often. Hooray! I love hearing that! I may not be the best runner, and while I tend to be rather negative during a run, I very much enjoy how I feel afterward and getting other people to feel that way as well makes me happy. I told E that anytime she wants to run together again, I'm most definitely up for it.

Also, one of my blogger and dailymile friends Claire W. asked to join up and be running buddies every now and again. Hooray for more running buddies! As much as I enjoy running alone, I do enjoy having someone to run with and/or meet up with at the end. I feel I push myself more with someone around me and that's a good thing. It's easier to say "oh man, I'm tired, I'm going to stop" when running on your own. When you have a running buddy, they usually don't let you quit,.... even when you want to.

In other news, Kurt @ Becoming An Ironman has finished the montage of our Team Awesome music videos.

Be prepared, it will be posted soon, and it's EPIC! 

Get excited!

Questions of the Day:

1. Where is your favorite place to run, and why?

 I really like running in the park near my house, but the park where I did my last 5k was even better.

2. How have your allergies been so far? Any advice for fellow allergy sufferers? 

 Mine were fine up until this past week. Now, they are killing me.

3. Do you have any all-time favorite, hysterical, running quotes? (As said by yourself or someone else?) 

I'm not sure if anything can top E's "mountain goat" quote. 

Bigger Girls Can Run Too

Again, I know I've been absent and I feel super awful about it! *Please don't throw anything at me, I've been kicking myself about this all weekend- but sometimes life is just too hectic for me to be able to accomplish everything.* Friday I worked and then spent my free time crafting a friend's birthday present, well, really, one part of his birthday present. Then, on Saturday I had CPR and First Aid training ALL day long. It was actually a super informative class and I'm glad I went (even more excited that I get paid for it haha). I learned how to make a sling, perform proper chest compressions, administer rescue breaths, create multiple kinds of splints, and how to make a bandage into the head band thing Daniel-Son wears in the Karate Kid. *Be jealous- Kurt at Becoming An Ironman, has wicked awesome skills*

Continuing on with my crazy weekend, after we got certified, Chelsea and I headed back to her place to make a birthday cake for Sunday. One of our good friends had a birthday and we, aptly, celebrated it with him. Later on Saturday, I went to see the closing night of Chelsea's show (she was one of the lead's in Moon Over Buffalo and she was AMAZING!). Got home kind of late Saturday and had to finish the other part of my friend's gift, so I was up much later than I intended. Needless to say, I overslept and woke up at 11:15, which did not leave me any time to get in my long run like I wanted, as I had to be at Chelsea's for 1 so we could drive to the festivities. Our friend is a musical director at a school and his high-school kids put on Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. It was FANTASTIC! His kids are so talented and he just does a superb job with them.

I got home late again last night and I had to be at work for 10am today so I didn't have a chance to go running before work (I'm NOT a morning person, ask anyone who knows me, so even though I had good intentions about waking up early to workout, I hit Snooze instead).  I worked all day and had rehearsal for my chorale concert tonight and then, FINALLY, got to hit the gym for a run. I did 3.26 miles on the treadmill- not too bad, but not great either though.

I do have to say, I felt good for the first mile of my run, it didn't take much out of me, and I was able to go 1.6 miles before I had to stop and walk. And even then, I only walked for a few minutes before I ran another half mile or so. My recovery times are getting shorter, and I am able to run farther after walking than I used to be able to. Out of the 46 minutes that I was on the treadmill, I ran 35 of them. Holler! *dusts my shoulders off* I'm impressed with myself. It may not seem much to other people, but for me, who six months ago could maybe run 0.25 miles before I had to stop, this is a HUGE accomplishment!

And I don't mean this in an offensive way, but being a bigger girl, I have to say that it made me feel kind of proud when a skinnier, more athletic looking girl got on the treadmill next to me and only did 0.75 miles before she stopped and got off. Granted her time was lower then mine, but I kept running! It made me realize that I really am becoming a runner and I rather like it. I felt proud of what I have been able to accomplish so far, even with my extra weight tacked on. I'm contemplating changing the name of my blog to Bigger Girls Can Run Too. Thoughts? Suggestions?

For my run tomorrow, I'm planning on running to the local library... mainly because I have to return some books... and then running back home. It's about 4.4 miles for the entire run so it should, hopefully, take me about an hour. I find that I run better on the roads/sidewalks because my body can adjust it's own pace as opposed to being on a treadmill where I'm forcing myself to stick to one steady pace. I mean, it's good training to be able to run a steady pace for a long length of time, but there are some times when my body may want to go faster or slower and it can't do that on the treadmill- Well, not without me possibly falling off of it in a rather embarrassing and possibly harmful fashion and that would not be fun. As awesome as it would look in a youtube video, I don't think I want to risk it.

On an On, I Seem to Go On

So many things to update, so little time.
Friday was my rest day, thankfully, as I had a wedding to go to in New Rochelle, NY (which is about an hour and a half from where I live). Needless to say by the time I got home, it was very late at night (or early in the morning, depending upon how you wish to look at it). I had to get up early to work, and after standing on my feet for 5 hours, I had to do my long run of 60 minutes.

On the up side, the weather was rather Spring-ish (in the 50's) and I went running with my buddy Chris. The park was packed with people and cars, but we managed to do 4 miles in an hour. Yay! We even managed to impress an older woman who was sitting in her car. She rolled down her window and asked how many time we were planning to go around the park. When we told her we were doing 4 laps she replied with, "You're so brave!" As we were finishing mile three, she was leaving the park and called out to us again, wishing us the best of luck as we finished. It was sweet. I'm thinking of recruiting her as a personal coach. Maybe I can convince her to follow alongside of me in her car as I run and just yell encouraging things at me? Here's hoping!

Today's run was rather eventful as well. I planned on running for 40 minutes around my neighborhood even though my body was still rather beat from the weekend it had been through. On top of the wedding, waking up early Saturday for work, and running for an hour- on Sunday I had to be in to work for 8am, and it was daylight savings so I lost an hour of sleep. Boo!! Needless to say, my poor body was not very excited to be moving. It would have rather sat on the couch and watched Netflix.

Anyway, as I was about 3/4 of the way through my first mile, I tripped on an unknown object and ended up rolling my left ankle. Now, for anyone who has ever walked/run/done anything on two legs, you know that sometimes if you roll your ankle you can catch yourself- but once it gets past a certain point, you are just going down so you had better brace yourself. I hit that point today and I went down on the side of the road in front of about 4 cars.

You know how some people freeze up when they get embarrassed? Well, I had a similar moment. As I sat on the ground, still trying to process what had just happened, I decided that instead of pretending I had just fallen, I would pretend I was sitting down to stretch my legs. So, I started doing toe touches on the side of the road as cars zoomed by me. My inner voice told me this would be the less embarrassing option than brushing myself off and getting up to walk off my fall. (As side note- on my return run, I looked around in the spot I had fallen to see if I could find the unknown object that tripped me, but there was nothing around. Either it rocketed out from under my foot as I fell or I tripped on air. I'm going to go with option A, please.)

My left foot, on the outside, is sore from having all of my weight roll onto it. I'm going to see how it feels tomorrow and that will decide if I'm going to run my 45 minutes in the afternoon or not. My right leg, which took the other half of the impact is scraped up some, but it's not life-threatening.

Luckily, my ego is really the only thing that is bruised. On the up side, I still managed to finish my 3 mile run- so take that embarrassing fall! I win!

Short Posted Apology

I know I always use the same excuse, but I truly have been BEYOND busy lately. Working in retail is a hectic schedule, as some people may know. I've been trying to snag as many hours as possible, then most of my other free time is devoted to show rehearsals and running.
But, here's a short update as to how things have been going:

I ran and COMPLETED a 5k run on Dec. 12th :) My friends and I ran it in 47min. (Well, they could have really run it twice over in that amount of time but they ran with me at my pace, so it was slow moving). We dressed up as reindeer, as it was a Christmas run. We even got interviewed on one of the local news shows, so I have legitimate proof that I was at the race and ran in freezing rain. The cold wasn't too too bad, but the being wet and weighed down by water part I could have done without haha. All in all, it was a good time though. And I can cross that off my bucket list. Now, I just need to find the free time to get back into the gym and continue running. Oy.

My nutrition has been better. I've tried to cut down on my car intake, which has definitely helped me. I added more vegetables and proteins to my daily foods, so I tend to stay fuller, longer. I also found that my body tends to not be able to digest carbs very well. From what I understand, carbs, when broken down, turn into glucose which are then absorbed by organs for energy, etc. My body has a glucose intolerance, meaning when my organs are supposed to be taking in all of the glucose for energy, etc, they don't and it just sits in body, floating around like excess waste. So, cutting down on carbs is helping me a lot. I still try to make sure I get at least 1-2 servings of whole wheat or something similar, a day so I'm not depriving myself of nutrients though. My eating schedule has shifted a bit as well. Ive found that, even though I eat something quick for breakfast before I go to work at 10, I don't tend to get hungry until around 4 or 5. And then once I get home from rehearsal at 1030, 1100, I'm ravenous.

On the exercise front, I've found (in fitness magazine) a few new toning and sculpting exercises I would like to try out. I just have to invest in a body band, so that is now officially on my Christmas list.

Oh! Exciting news for me! We were trying on costumes for the show tonight and the shirt I ended up getting is a size 1 from Torrid (which means it's a 14/16) and a Large size skirt from Target (the Xhileration brand, which is about a 14). I'm SOOO thrilled, I just had to share!